I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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