when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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