he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
