Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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