Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
