I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
