Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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