During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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