How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
