Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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