Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
