took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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