There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
