Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
