you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
