Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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