I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
