I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
