he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
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