AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
