If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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