Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I need to align my fucking chakras
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
