Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
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