Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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