Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
