I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
