You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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