I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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