I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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