you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
this will be a night to untag.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
My life is pants optional.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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