One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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