and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
