You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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