Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize