Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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