I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
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