when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
