By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
vagina is talking i cant
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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