Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
