Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
