I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
