i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
