Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I think a kid would responsible me up
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
