how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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