At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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