It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
