All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
