do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
