weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
