I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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