Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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