nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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