i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You're a waste of cheezeits
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
