If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
