The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
