You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
My dad just said "fuck circus"
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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