Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
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Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
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MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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