Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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