we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
