...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
