My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
