i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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