My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
