I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
