You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
