i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
