I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
