he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
