The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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