We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
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Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
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I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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