I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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